All Sorts of Crazy

I went to the doctor yesterday, and it was less informative than I would have liked. He listened to my heart and said it sounded normal-which is good because the main point of the visit was to make sure I didn’t have any underlying weirdness going on. Sometimes it feels like my heart beats irregularly. Anyway, so then he sent me for blood work to check my thyroid, and he’s making me wear a heart monitor for two weeks. Blood work I understand…but a heart monitor? Really? For two weeks? I think that’s a little overkill, but the fact is that I am not the doctor, so I don’t get to make those decisions. Geeze, all I really wanted him to say was, “There’s no problem with your heart. You’re healthy. You probably had some sort of strange panic attack. Next time it happens, try __________.” I suppose it’s a good thing to rule out all any major problems, so I should just appreciate that he’s being thorough.

On a different note, I’m finding it hard to detach myself from people. Actually, just certain people. I get obsessively emotional about people, and no matter how hard I will them to do something or feel something, it doesn’t work. Obviously. But sometimes this makes it difficult for me to allow the natural course of things to take place. It’s hard to roll with the punches when you are so obsessively attached to people. It’s hard to accept their reasons and feelings when all you really care about are your own. I came to that conclusion last night. It wasn’t a fun epiphany, but a necessary one. There’s this old song that goes, “Que sera, sera.” It’s in Spanish, but it translates (roughly), into “what will be, will be.” I need to accept that truth. I need to accept the fact that no matter how hard I want something, just wanting it doesn’t mean it will come to fruition. Perhaps by taking appropriate actions and having appropriate conversations things will come to pass, but not by passively oppressing someone into feeling or acting a certain way.